This evening was yet another perfect one for dining outdoors. I made myself a simple dish, poured some wine into a goblet, and went out to my garden.
The breeze felt divine as I savored the moment of being outdoors in nature with birds, chirping away, as my only company.
Funny how one can embrace being alone, for sometimes it does becomes habit. However, this evening found me feeling the loneliness. I sat there, with life and beauty surrounding me....eating alone. I thought of how my husband, had he lived, would be sitting beside me discussing the day's events. I feel his absence on a daily basis, but very much so tonight. I guess perhaps the beauty of the day reminded me of the beauty of my yesterdays with Ron. They were lovely days.
The loneliness was so thick...still is...I can cut it with a knife.
I don't know why I posted this here, when most of time I'm my ever cheerful self...probably just the need to share my feelings. Besides, writing about it is a form of release and therapy.
Please...it's not to garner sympathy or anything of the like. I'll be fine and this too shall pass.
I guess I just wanted the company and you have all been so wonderful. Thank you for always dropping by and reminding me that there is a world out there with so many beautiful individuals.
I need not feel alone.
xoxo
Miss Sandra
Oh Sandra! Call me when you feel this way. Even though I am a state away, I hope you know I am always here for you and miss the times when I was just a town away.
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that Ron is still with you. To have loved means to never be alone again. He is in your heart and will always be there when you need him.
I love you oodles,
Kim
I do wish I could reach across cyberspace and give you a hug and tell you all will be better tomorrow. Then we would talk for hours over cups of tea and marvel at the beauty of the garden.
ReplyDeleteHugs, and one more,
Judy
In France they have one word to offer comfort when we feel sad or suffer a personal loss, 'courage'. I think in any language that is so apt. Courage...xv
ReplyDeleteHave you read Daphne Du Maurier's article 'Death and Widowhood'? It's included in the book of essays called 'The Rebecca Notebook & Other Memories', and despite its rather prosaic title it is a beautiful piece of writing; poignant but also very practical and inspiring. I humbly recommend it to you.
ReplyDeleteOn what now seems a desperately inappropriate note, I came here today to let you know that I have left a Friendly Blogger Award for you on my site Movietone News. As always with these sorts of things, make of it what you will.
I will return to Harmonie House regularly.
Very best wishes, Matthew.
Awww, Sandra, you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel. Whether it's loneliness or joy. And I'm with you. I post about so many emotions, fear, loneliness, pain, frustration, and cheerfulnes and happiness. I too need to share. My last post on http://caregivingisnotforwimps.blogspot.com is called Adapting. Adapting to the change hubby and are I going through - and a very scary episode in my life as a caregiver. This is my main blog. I only post to Home of the faeries when I feel like it.
ReplyDeleteAll that to say, I need to write and sort out my feelings too. And bloggerville is full of wonderful supportive friends.
Sitting in the outdoors, listening to the birds, bees, while watching the busy-ness all around, enjoying flowers and sipping tea (or something stronger) is soothing. We are one. We are nature.
Blessed Be,
Wishing I could wrap you in a gentle hug. Not thinking that would be what you really need. But...
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for sharing this with us, here on your blog. It's a very sad thing, to know that someone as young and as beautiful as you, is a widow. It's sad. And we don't really know you all that well, so we have no way of knowing how to deal with this fact of your widowhood. {The proverbial "300 pound gorilla in the living room" type of thing. Something very obvious, but no one seems to want to speak of it.}
So thank you for broaching the subject, with us. Because you did, we now know more about you, than we have known. And I hope we'll thus, be able to be better on-line-journaling friends.
Gentle hugs,
Aunt Amelia
This is such a beautiful, sincere post. Thank you for sharing. It is really open and touching, and I know I'm not the only one who is honored to be among your company.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd love to write you a letter.
What a beautifully written story of love....how lucky you are to have had that kind of love in your life.So many people don't have that in their life,and I am sorry for them,but you I am happy for because you have had it!! Come by anytime my dear friend, wish I could pour you a cup of tea right now, maybe someday! Much love,Chrissy
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteMy dear girl. Thank you lots. I'm fine. I do miss you living nearby, but it was nice talking to you. Love you oodles too!
Judy,
You are so sweet. Thank you for the hug. You know I can keep that kettle on for hours while we chat.
Hugs Galore!
Vicki,
Thank you for your words of wisdom. Indeed it takes courage and though it's not always easy, I'm glad to say courage has prevailed. Hugs!
Matthew,
Thank you for your suggestion. I must look up the book. It's so sweet of you to suggest it.
I thank you also for the award...I have sent you a note of thanks on your fabulous blog.
Do continue to visit Harmonie House and stay for tea! It's always nice to see you.
Wendy,
Thank you so much dear. We are indeed very human and very feeling oriented. It does help to write about it and as you've said, Bloggerville is indeed full of kind, loving, and supportive individuals. How blessed we are.
Good luck to you in your present state of caregiver. I know too well how tough that is. Just keep love and understanding as the main part of your care giving. That alone works wonders on a loved one's condition.
I send you hugs...and blessings!
Aunt Amelia,
You did wrap me in a gentle hug...yesterday upon receiving your beautiful letter. It made me smile. Truth be told, I am very comfortable discussing my widowhood, and the beautiful life I had with Ron. I've accepted his passing with as much grace as I could muster. I miss him terribly, but that'll always be for the rest of my life. I'm glad to have shared this with you all. As you said, you all now know a little bit more of the lady of Harmonie House.
Thank you so much dear friend. Hugs galore!
Missive Maven,
No...thank you for always being so kind and sweet. I'm so glad to count you among my dear company. And yes...we must write! Hugs!
Chrissy,
Thank you for stopping by and for those kind, dear words. It was indeed a beautiful love between my hubby and I. It shall live in my heart forever. I shall accept that cup of tea next time I stop by. Do come by again and stay for tea and scones! Hugs galore!
Dear Sandra......
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you a HUGE virtual hug.....(((((((()))))))))
xoxoxo
Spencer
Dear Spencer,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the hug. It helps dear!
xoxoxo
Sandra